One Year….
It sounds like a long time doesn’t it….it depends on how you
look at it I guess…A lot can change in one year….
One day things are going smooth and it seems like you don’t
have a care or problem in the world and then….you close your eyes for a second
and you run into a tree…I joke because I have to. I laugh, I cry, I yell and scream….I’m human
and normal…I think.
May 31st, 2012…..Small Cell Anaplastic
Carcinoma….Extensive Stage. Or,
otherwise known as Extensive Stage Small Cell Lung Cancer (SCLC). This is something that I doubt I will ever
forget. One year ago today Kelly was
diagnosed with this type of Cancer. Our
world was officially turned upside down and inside out….Our lives changed forever. SCLC is one of the most aggressive types of
Cancer there is. However, it is most
typically found in full time smoking men in their late 60’s…not in healthy
non-smoking 34 year old women. To say
that Kelly’s diagnosis was rare would be an understatement. We heard that constantly over this past year
from all of our doctors. The survival
rate of someone diagnosed with this Cancer is 6-12 months after diagnosis. Kelly has made it a year so in my mind she
beat those odds…
After initial scans we learned that Kelly had Cancer in her
left lung, surrounding lymph nodes, adrenal gland, hip, and brain. Since then after going through hell, or
otherwise known as cancer treatments, including but not limited to chemotherapy
(4 different kinds), radiation (hip, brain, neck, spine, back, lung, shoulder),
blood transfusions (4), IV fluids (too many to remember), MRI scans, PET scans,
CT scans, (too many to remember), and a multitude of medications to long to
list, she has fought this disease with every ounce of her being. And she continues to do so….
However, a body can only endure so much….A couple months
ago, unfortunately things progressed extensively and Kelly’s body can no longer
handle the aggressive treatments for her Cancer. Most of you know that a couple weeks ago we
moved Kelly to a Hospice facility where she can continue her fight as
peacefully as possible. I very rarely
leave her side because that is where I need to be….We have been able to enjoy
some great time together without going to the hospital or seeing yet another
doctor. I am fortunate enough that I own
my business and am able to close the doors for a little while and be with the
one I love….And I am greatly appreciative of everyone who understands at this
time. Again, we feel very blessed to
belong to such a great community, family, and friends.
Below is a little history and some of my thoughts on this
past year….
Kelly Marie Kallies (Banaszynski)….I have loved this woman
for 19 years and will continue to do so for the rest of my life. We went to school together, were in the same
class, in a very small town. But we did
not say two words to each other until our junior year….I was one of four Mikes
as she would say and she was the “other” Kelly…I “met” Kelly while dating one
of her friends. We were not your typical
high school sweethearts but I guess you could say it was love at first
sight….kind of. Some of this will sound
made up, but honestly it’s not.
I was sitting in a diner waiting for my friend to get done
working because he needed a ride home.
Kelly happened to stop by and sit down a couple stools away from me and
I remember her turning, smiling, and laughing at something stupid I said. She was there only a few minutes and then
left with some other friends including the one I was dating….As we were getting
ready to leave I said to my friend Scott, “You know….Kelly’s kinda cute.” To which his reply was, “yeah but you’re
dating her friend.” My response…with
what I would imagine was a mischievous grin was, “yeah…I know.” And, honestly I have been smitten ever
since. She pretty much stole my heart
but, it was a good six months before she agreed to go on a date with me….I am
eternally grateful that she gave in.
She has made me a better man….Recently she has said some
things that I know have given her a little piece of mind. “Obviously we were meant to do things so
early and young so we could have more time together.” And, I agree with her wholeheartedly. We fell in love young, got engaged early,
married one month after I turned 21. Bought our house less than a year later, had
our first child a year after that. We
are both very strong believers that everything happens for a reason….And,
eventually it makes sense even if it’s in ways that we do not like.
I have said it before, Kelly is the perfect mom….She has
given me two of the most amazing people I will ever know in our son and
daughter. I have the privilege of seeing
Kelly’s face every day….I need only to look into the eyes of my daughter. And, I know that she will forever be watching
over and protecting them. This past year
has been difficult for everyone….but it has been especially tough on the
kids. They have had to turn their lives
upside down in every way. But, I could
not be more proud of them with how they have handled everything and a lot of
that is owed to their mom for raising such amazing individuals.
I have gone through pretty much every emotion throughout
this process. There have been times that
I was not very pleasant with others. I
have seen heartache and pain and anger and frustration. And, I forgot that Kelly is more than my wife
or the mother of my children….She is also a daughter, a sister, a friend, a
granddaughter, a teacher, a sister-in-law, an aunt, and cousin…And I would
forget that it is difficult for everyone to see her go through these
struggles. For those who I may have
offended, please accept my heartfelt apology and forgive my ignorance.
Cancer is horrible, no matter the kind or severity. It should not exist….we should have a cure by
now instead of multiple different pills for sexual performance, or another new
electronic tablet, or another new slimmer larger TV, or more pills to take care
of the side effects from other pills…..!!!!
I have become very aware of “stuff” that is so unimportant. Cancer has no prejudice….what matters is who
you choose to spend your time with and how you choose to spend it. It does not matter what you have or want, or
who or what they think of you and your life.
Make yourself happy and spend the time you have in life with those who
mean the most to you.
With Kelly’s trials I have seen the most important person in
the world to me crumble….While at the same time I have never seen more strength
from anyone or anything in my entire life.
The things that she had to go through and endure have been agonizing to
watch. I can only imagine what it was
like to actually go through….Kelly and I have talked about pretty much
everything you could imagine. I have
often wondered if the roles were reversed how each of us would’ve handled
it. I jokingly said I would have been
done in from the beginning because I don’t like to drink water so I would’ve
been dehydrated early on. I have made a
point of trying to make Kelly smile or laugh every day since all of this
started. For the most part, I have been
able to even if it’s for something stupid.
She says she wouldn’t have been as strong as me this last year….but I
doubt that very much. The things I have
seen her do and accomplish have been nothing short of amazing. She has fought and done everything she
possibly could in defiance of this disease and continues to do so because
that’s who she is. She is a mother and
wife and fights because that is what she HAS to do. Because of who she is and the type of person
she is there is no other option…..One of the many reasons I have loved her for
so long.
I have a million and one fears about a million and one
different things. Kelly is the one who
takes care of our home, our schedules, our plans…..everything. It feels weird and wrong sometimes to talk or
write about things like this, because she is still here. And, honestly my own future is completely
unknown. If I have learned anything this
past year is that I can only take care of the things that are within my
control, but unfortunately that list is very small….so I do the best I can with
the rest. That would be my advice to
anyone….
Someone asked me not that long ago, “Is there any doubt in
your mind that you love Kelly?”….’Of course not.’ “Is there any doubt in your mind that she loves
you?”….’Of course not.’ “Do you have any
idea how rare and fortunate you are to have that?” That is why I can say with a smile on my face
and love in my heart, that ‘I am a very lucky man!’
